The clock ticked quickly past 10:30pm and my heart sank. My daughter was not home at the time we agreed. This wasn’t like her. She always made it home on time. Always. Immediately my thoughts began to fear the worst.
Why couldn’t I get this recurring fear under control? Every time things did not go as planned with my children I conjured up horrible things that might have happened to them.
Dear God, put a hedge of protection – physically, emotionally and spiritually – around my daughter. Guide her to make good decisions. May she be sold out to Jesus. May her desires be your desires…
My prayers began to sound like rambling. Dread for what I would discover began to set in. All the horrible scenarios of what could have or could be happening to my child were swirling around in my head.
No text. No call. No answer. She knew I would be waiting up and worried. She would have made contact…if she could.
I got in my car. I could not just sit there. As I drove in her direction I began praying I didn’t find her car on the side of road. I thanked God that I had not already heard from the hospital where I work. Maybe I should have called them, but I didn’t want to make a scene if there was really no reason for concern. I debated calling the police. I cried out to Jesus for her safety and my sanity.
With car lights coming toward me just a few miles from home, I prayed, God, let this be her. When I recognized her car I whipped around and got behind her to follow her home. I could see she was following the speed limit and in no hurry to relieve me of my insanity.
Oh, the emotions a teenager can dredge up in a parent when our faith in God’s ability to be in control falters! Instead of thanking God she was alive, I was mad!
Before we made it home I prayed God, let me handle this with grace. But she better have a good excuse for this misery she has put me through!
A few years ago I set smart limits on my kids’ cell phones so they weren’t tempted to stay up late texting or calling friends. I had just made a few adjustments to the days and times and had completely forgotten I had done it when my child was not walking through the door at 10:30pm. When I could see that my texts were not delivering to her phone it crossed my mind that I might have set the limits wrong, but I was too upset to check it out. I had to go find her!
As we pulled into the garage she quickly got out of her car and came to mine with a look on her face that said, I’m so sorry!
Mom, my friend had to wait on her brother to get home with the house key. I couldn’t just leave her there alone. I was trying to text and call but you set my smart limits too early. I’m sorry!
Fear can send a mom’s mind reeling out of control. In 2 Timothy we are told that the spirit of fear does not come from God. On the contrary, he gives us the spirit of power, love and of a sound mind. In those moments of great fear, I felt powerless and insane. And I was very close to being extremely unloving as I made my way home.
I once heard Dr. Meg Meeker say that when a mom or a dad creates a habit of parenting out of fear, only God himself can drive that fear out. I’m living proof of that. I cannot say that I never feel the spirit fear coming on. But I can say that I know how to take steps to allow the Holy Spirit to overcome that feeling.
The next time your anxiety over your child has you spinning out of control, stop! Pray to God knowing that He loves you and your children. Speak His promises and His truths of hope and love. Make the choice not to fear knowing that God is in control. Renounce the enemy aloud in Jesus name. Then, allow the Holy Spirit to drive out your fear and thank Him for his mighty hand!
Dear Heavenly Father,Thank you for loving me. Thank you for loving (child’s name), this beautiful child you’ve given me to raise, love, protect and guide through life. Thank you that your love and your plans for both of us is perfect. Lord, your word says over and over that I am not to fear. Help me to place my fear and (child’s name) in your mighty hands where all sin and confusion is washed away. Guide me to respond with grace instead of reacting out of panic to (child’s name) during trying times. Remind me to praise and cherish when I recognize good Godly character in my child. In Jesus name, I command the spirit of fear to leave me! Thank you, God, for allowing your clarity to give me a heavenly perspective when I need it the most. In Jesus name ~ Amen. Update: I’ll be hosting a giveaway next week on the blog so check back soon.